


The Stars From Dean's Bedroom Window

by Alabaster



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe: Children, Child Abuse, Friendship, Gen, Human AU, M/M, Night, Stars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:58:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alabaster/pseuds/Alabaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel didn't get to have much that was his own, but he had a best friend, and that was enough for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stars From Dean's Bedroom Window

**Author's Note:**

> Your opinions on this would definitely be valued! I'll see you all in the second chapter!

Castiel lives in a large family, with seven other brothers. It's okay, really, he doesn't mind too much. He blends in and goes unnoticed, which sometimes hurts and other times, not so much. Castiel doesn't get to have much that is his own, but he has a best friend, and that's enough for him.

Every night since Dean moved in two years ago, Castiel has climbed out of his bedroom window, and slid outside. It is warm some nights, but most nights – like on this particular one – it is bitterly cold, and after Castiel pads a few steps outside and climbs over the fence to the Winchester's backyard. Dean almost always needs to give Castiel a long hug just to warm him up.

Dean doesn't mind. Neither does Castiel.

Then, after the cuddling stops feeling warm and safe and starts to feel like an emotional trap for Dean, he tugs back, and sometimes he can see a flash of sadness in Castiel's eyes, but it's probably nothing.

The two boys both clamber into bed and just watch the night sky. They have done this at least six hundred times, and every night, it is the same. Dean and Castiel feel as though they have created midnight simply by being together, because the two never look at the night sky alone any more, and it's almost as though if they part, that velveteen canvas will exist but the silver glitter will perish. Some nights, they hold hands, entwining fingers. Some nights, Castiel crawls into Dean's lap – Dean's older by two months, and he is only a little taller, but somehow, Castiel is so tiny in Dean's arms that Dean feels this desperate need to cling to Castiel like he's the same age as Sam. Some nights, Castiel whispers into the darkness that he loves Dean, and Dean will hesitate for a moment as though he's scared of admitting it, but after a few daunting moments of silence, Dean will murmur that he loves Castiel too. Some nights, Dean's eyes will turn glassy with tears and when Castiel enquires what's wrong, Dean will ignore the question – occasionally, though, Dean hisses for Castiel to leave him alone. (Three times, though, Dean tells Castiel that he 'just wants out'. Castiel pretends he doesn't know what Dean means, although he does, and it terrifies him.) Some nights, Castiel will spot a bruise on Dean's arm or eye or collarbone or chin, and Castiel will shyly ask about it – Dean grumbles an excuse about injuring himself in a rugby match, or swears at Castiel, or both. (Once, Dean just tells Castiel that he hates his Dad. Castiel frowns and asks Dean to elaborate, but Dean doesn't, and Castiel wishes that he didn't know why.)

And it is this night, that things are different. Dean doesn't have his fingers laced with Castiel's, and he doesn't have Castiel climbing into his lap. Dean isn't crying but he is bruised. Castiel doesn't need to whisper that he loves Dean, because for the first time in the history of their friendship, Dean murmurs into the darkness, “Cas, I love you”, before Cas even has to. And Dean grabs Castiel and holds him tight and then he cries into Castiel's shirt, and the two watch the stars from Dean's bedroom window for hours that Castiel wishes felt like centuries but felt like mere seconds. And then Dean breaks down for a second time, crying violently and gripping Castiel's shirt and whispering that I love you, Cas, I love you so much, and Castiel doesn't know what else to do but he fears that this is the last time he will get to be like this with Dean, so he mumbles that he loves Dean too and holds Dean, and Dean is older and a little taller but Dean is so tiny in Castiel's arms that Castiel feels this desperate need to cling to Dean like he's the same age as Samandriel.

And then after Dean has stained Castiel's shirt with salty tears, Dean presses a slow kiss to Castiel's cheek. “Goodbye, Cas.”

And Castiel doesn't ask questions, he leaves, because he knows that he should. He doesn't say goodbye, and he walks back to his own bedroom, and he wraps his arms around his legs and cries because he has never been so scared of anything in his life, because he feels that he is on the verge of losing the only thing that he has ever had.

The following night, Castiel goes to Dean's bedroom (Dean isn't waiting for him with opened arms now) and he pounds at the window, and he sees Dean inside his room, lying on the bed and glaring up at the ceiling, yet the two do not watch the stars from Dean's bedroom window.

And Dean wishes he could explain, but Castiel is pure and simple and uncomplicated, and Dean is bruised and broken and he can't drag his best friend along for the ride, so the two stops watching the stars together and start watching the world around them crumble: separately. Castiel only tries to look at the stars alone once after that night, and when he does, it's just a patch of violet. Stars do not exist without Dean.

Castiel didn't get to have much that was his own, but he had a best friend, and that was enough for him.


End file.
